I have always had a low-simmering anger towards Ben's allergies to milk and soy. It's not the full-boil anger it was when we first discovered the severity of them, thankfully, but it's there any way. I don't feel it very often. When I find a recipe that I would love to make but I have no substitute for one or more of the ingredients I grumble "Stupid allergies". When Ben has eyes the size of quarters in amazement at what we have ordered at a restaurant and he wants to try it, I grumble "Stupid allergies". When he tells me that someday he'll be big enough to eat cow's milk and I know he actually means that someday he'll do whatever it takes to outgrow his allergies, I grumble "Stupid allergies".
But now my anger has been kicked up a slight notch. I have been talking with a friend of mine abotu how Ben freaks out if I threaten to throw his food away. He also freaks out when he spills milk and he can't drink it any more because there's no way to get the milk back out of the towel we used to clean it up. I just thought he was a goofy 4-year-old (which I'm sure he is that too) but nothing much more than that. She threw out that it might be because of his food allergies. He is deprived of the foods he can't have. Even if he doesn't scream or cry when I tell him he can't have yogurt like his brother Peter (a conversation we have almost every morning) he is still bummed by it I'm sure. If I were the only person in a room that couldn't have something I'd feel bummed too. So, what to do with this? Not sure. I've always dealt with his allergies in such a clinical way. If you eat this, it will make you sick, so don't eat it. It's been very black and white for me. This new twist is not so black and white.
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2 comments:
I admire you greatly for dealing daily with those allergies...Kudos to you for sure.
A friend of mine also deals with food allergies in her oldest (of four) child. Here is something she does that might help, but feel free to pass as I am not expert on any of this. She picks a few foods that her child can eat and announces, "This food is just for Daniel and his allergies and the rest of us can't have any of it." It has made Daniel feel like he has some benefits from the allergies when everyone else says, "Daniel, you are so lucky to get to eat that!" She says it helps him feel less deprived. She has a food a day that just he can have and it has helped a lot and made her feel less guilty about eating some things when she knows that Daniel can't have them. It seems to work for them. The other kids are supportive because they know how hard it would be to be in Daniel's position. He is 12 now.
You are such a great mom to Ben (and Peter.) No one else I know could deal with "stupid allergies" better than you. Keep your chin up and we will keep praying.
Love and Prayers from the land of rain!
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